Saturday, May 14, 2011

Adjusting to widowhood

My friend Anne Else blogs about the huge adjustment necessary after the death of her husband of 30 years, poet Harvey McQueen. In so doing, she gives a voice (or a point of difference, which is just as valuable) to others who have been bereft in this way. This is brave of her, and useful, and inevitable, because she is a lifelong writer.

Mainly I just want to draw attention to her blog. If it reaches and helps other widows and widowers, that's good. It is difficult for others to understand what you're going through. I just watch in awe as Anne and other friends and relatives painstakingly reconstruct their lives after the walls have been removed. I see that this takes ingenuity, imagination, effort and thought. It doesn't happen naturally.

Anne's blog: Elsewoman — Learning to live on my own for the first time in my life


  1. Hello, Rachel,
    I am 70 and only now beginning to adjust to widowhood. Guess you could characterize my journey as a long learning curve for it has taken me 20 years! Guess my first step was becoming a quasi-alcoholic because
    I couldn't stand the combination of loneliness and lack of purpose and identity. I may be deluding myself about being only "quasi alcoholic" because I haven't had a stiff drink for three years and very little wine. To my delight on the rare occasions I have had a glass of wine I haven't subsequently craved a stiff drink.
    In those three years I have found a challenging purpose in developing a cook book (!) combining recipes with a lifesyle and rediscovering my identity.
    I'm going to end now and read both your and Anne's blogs.
    Thanks for being there.
    Enid France

  2. Enid, I'm so sorry I have taken a month to reply to your comment. Truth is, I had been neglecting this blog, which is crazy because comments from readers are my greatest reward for writing. I have another friend who drank a lot for two years after her husband died: being widowed is a huge event, huge. As with you, the alcohol thing was temporary. (There is a time for drinking and a time for refraining from drink?) I hope you've been enjoying Anne's blog. Happy new year!