My friend Anne Else blogs about the huge adjustment necessary after the death of her husband of 30 years, poet Harvey McQueen. In so doing, she gives a voice (or a point of difference, which is just as valuable) to others who have been bereft in this way. This is brave of her, and useful, and inevitable, because she is a lifelong writer.
Mainly I just want to draw attention to her blog. If it reaches and helps other widows and widowers, that's good. It is difficult for others to understand what you're going through. I just watch in awe as Anne and other friends and relatives painstakingly reconstruct their lives after the walls have been removed. I see that this takes ingenuity, imagination, effort and thought. It doesn't happen naturally.
Anne's blog: Elsewoman — Learning to live on my own for the first time in my life
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Hello, Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI am 70 and only now beginning to adjust to widowhood. Guess you could characterize my journey as a long learning curve for it has taken me 20 years! Guess my first step was becoming a quasi-alcoholic because
I couldn't stand the combination of loneliness and lack of purpose and identity. I may be deluding myself about being only "quasi alcoholic" because I haven't had a stiff drink for three years and very little wine. To my delight on the rare occasions I have had a glass of wine I haven't subsequently craved a stiff drink.
In those three years I have found a challenging purpose in developing a cook book (!) combining recipes with a lifesyle and rediscovering my identity.
I'm going to end now and read both your and Anne's blogs.
Thanks for being there.
Enid France
Enid, I'm so sorry I have taken a month to reply to your comment. Truth is, I had been neglecting this blog, which is crazy because comments from readers are my greatest reward for writing. I have another friend who drank a lot for two years after her husband died: being widowed is a huge event, huge. As with you, the alcohol thing was temporary. (There is a time for drinking and a time for refraining from drink?) I hope you've been enjoying Anne's blog. Happy new year!
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